Phuleâs Company by Robert Asprin
Author:Robert Asprin
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Science Fiction, Comedy, Humor
Publisher: Word Fire Press
Published: 2016-05-14T16:00:00+00:00
Chapter Nine
Journal #104
The assigning of partners within the company was a milestone event. Though it actually occurred over the space of several weeks, the effects were apparent almost immediately.
While great care had been taken in deciding who would be paired with whom, and for the most part the choices accepted by the Legionnaires, it was expected that there would be some complaints and protests. Needless to say, in this, at least, my employer was not to be disappointed.
* * *
âExcuse me, Captain. Have you got a minute?â
Phule glanced up from his coffee to find two of his Legionnaires, Do-Wop and Sushi, fidgeting at his table. It seemed that his relaxing morning cup of coffee was not going to be so peaceful.
âCertainly. Would you like to have a seat?â
âThis shouldnât take long,â Do-Wop said, shaking his head. He was of medium height and weight, with a coarse complexion and black curly hair that always looked like it needed washing. âWe were wondering if it was possible to be assigned different partners. I mean, there are still some of the crew who havenât been assigned â¦â
âBoth of you feel this way?â the commander interrupted.
âThat is correct, Captain,â Sushi confirmed crisply. A full head shorter than Do-Wop, he was a slightly built Oriental who dressed and held himself with meticulous precision. âOur personalities and values are incompatible. Iâm afraid that any permanent association between the two of us would prove to be detrimental to the smooth operation of the company.â
âI see.â Phule nodded grimly. âSit down, both of you.â
This time, it was a command, not an invitation, that was voiced, and the Legionnaires grudgingly selected chairs.
âNow then, tell me more about these incompatible values youâre experiencing.â
The two men glanced at each other, each apparently reluctant to be the first to voice his complaints. It was Do-Wop who finally took the plunge.
âHeâs always talkinâ down to me,â came the complaint. âJust because he knows a lot of big words â¦â
The commander held up a restraining hand.
âI really donât think that the size of your partnerâs vocabulary should be a factor here.â
âItâs not just that,â Do-Wop said, flushing slightly. âHe called me a crookâto my face!â
âI said you were a petty thiefâand you are!â Sushi corrected sharply. âAnyone who would jeopardize the unity of the company for nickel-and-dimeââ
âThere! You see?â the other appealed to his commander. âHow am I supposed to team up with someone whoââ
âJust a moment!â
Phuleâs voice cracked like a whip, cutting through the argument and cowing both men into silence. He waited for a moment until they had leaned back in their chairs, then turned to Sushi.
âIâd like a little clarification here,â he said. âHow exactly would you define a petty thief?â
The Oriental glanced at the captain, then turned his gaze toward the ceiling.
âA petty thief is one who, in his criminal activities, takes risks disproportionate to the potential rewards.â
âCriminal activities!â
âSit down, Do-Wop,â Phule ordered, keeping his eyes on Sushi. âIf you can keep your mouth shut and listen, you just might learn something.
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